The Emancipation of Princess Pereira

Time…

the essence of life.
the link to the past, present and future.
the seconds to the minutes to the hours to the days to the weeks to the months to the years.

…eternity.

What if time were to speed us by…or if it came to an abrupt halt? What if time escalated and left our souls to idle by? What if we did not have enough time to fufill our mortal desires…or savour the transcendental moments of our life?

What would you do if all you had was sixty minutes left of your creatural time before you departed for the spiritual realm?

Would you continue to live the remaining minutes as normal as possible?
Would you throw caution to the wind and start living precariously with no inhibitations?
Would you gather the courage to tell that someone how much you love them?
Would you make amends for your trespasses?
Would you leave with any regrets?
Would you wish…for more time?

What would you do?

If tomorrow I should never wake up…

If tomorrow I should never wake up
I wanted to say thank you…

If tomorrow I should never wake up
that is all I want to say just because I never had time to…

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see…

When you come to terms with what your destiny is to be, only then will you be able to embrace it fully…

I have been fighting the truth for so long, refusing that the heavens could shine on me for once. All my life, though I strived for excellence, everything usually falls at the threshold of mediocrity and the fire that used to raged within me slowly but surely burns out…and then everything is still and silent like a ghost town.

And this is NOT to say.."You’re incomplete!" or "You’re not whole!"…

But somehow along with the accustomed events, every thing becomes so mundane. I fall into some utterly banausic routine. I give up pondering on finding the successful job, the person I want to grow old with, the sole existence of my earthly life…basically, I just give up pondering!! Too energy-consuming, I decide…

Then by some stroke of luck, things start to perk up. My eyes are now wide open, my walk has a distinct bounce to it, I sit up straighter, I catch a whiff of that brewing, hot cuppa java…and boy, does it smell good! My tummy growls and suddenly I start to hunger for the things I once craved for!
Power?
Love?
Self-discovery?
My senses have somehow been awaken. Who? How? Why? The real question is, does it even matter?

I was alive once and then, I died. Now after being resurrected, the feeling though overwhelming, is definitely a welcome relief from socializing with the zombies of yesteryear.
I sigh.
I laugh.
I weep.
I stand there in the rain, soaking wet to the bone with my arms outstretched to the empyrean as if to say, Thank you! All I needed was You to feel again. Thank you for breathing life into my once effervescent soul! Thank you for never abandoning me…Thank you.

And all but once, the tune of Amazing Grace seeps from my heart, pumping renewed life into my veins. Ah truly…You are the blessed one! I have not seen but believed..having felt Your touch, Your presence, Your light… …

When you come to terms with what your destiny is to be, only then will you be able to embrace it fully and after having embraced it, I never want to live in the place I used to be at…

…the boulevard of broken dreams!

To my sweet sweet Melissa…
(Hope this brings back memories of your special day! I love you!)

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you…it’s only seed.

It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

And the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love,
In the spring, becomes a rose.

Sometimes the time just slips away
And you left with yesterday…left with the memories
I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time I had you with me
Though we go our seperate ways,
I won’t forget so don’t forget…
the memories we made.

Please remember… …

I have learnt that there is something unpredictable in being human- we’re not always in control of ourselves and our emotions.

I have learnt that by having faith in Him, I have grown to believe in myself because without Him, I am nothing.

I have learnt that the most difficult lesson in the world one learns is the process of discovering about oneself.

I have learnt that people can be rather delusional and that they sometimes feed their souls lies just so they can sleep better at night.

I have learnt that by being a rigid thinker, I’ll never grow from life’s experiences and so, being flexible is always a welcomed option.

I have learnt that while it is okay to change my opinions, I should always keep to my principles.

I have learnt the wisdom of compromise- knowing it is better to bend a little than to break completely.

I have learnt that fighting fire with fire does nothing but ignites the flame further, making it more disastrous and sometimes, it is best to back off and humbly concede defeat.

I have learnt that the human soul appears the strongest when it foregoes revenge, and dares to forgive an injury.

I have learnt that it isn’t who is right but what is right, that is important.

I have learnt to let the past drift away with water so that I won’t get sucked into it and drown.

I have learnt not to be afraid of storms as I am learning how to sail my ship through them as difficult as it may be.

I have learnt that words are a very powerful tool and they can either help or hurt which leads to an argument being contructive or destructive.

I have learnt that what is important isn’t that I do what society expects of me, but that I do what works best for my own soul.

I have learnt that I cannot depend on others for my own mortal happiness but myself.

I have learnt that one half of the world simply cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

I have learnt that whilst clothes and manners do not make a man, his integrity does.

I have learnt that the only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.

I have learnt that whilst being knowledgeable is invaluable, ignorance sometimes truly is bliss.

I have learnt that humour and patience are great devices for tackling through difficult issues with my partner.

I have learnt that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side; it is green where you chose to water it.

I have learnt that by living in the moment today, I truly would have no regrets come tomorrow.

I have learnt that by loving You deeply gives me strength and that being loved by You deeply gives me courage.

I have learnt to dare to live the life I have dreamed for myself.

*The above was inspired by Am’s blog on what she had learnt… …

Monday found me on my kness again
Breathing you in
To blur the lines that mark where I begin
And where you end
No use in trying to pretend
Come take me again
Cause rumour has it I’m not who I’ve been

I’m gonna miss…

you holding my hand protectively whilst we cross the street…
coming home to your ‘cave’ after work…
our lazy weekends together…
your lingering scent on me…
waking up beside you and watching you sleep soundly like a child…
kissing your forehead and telling you "I love you"…
lying on your chest and hearing your heartbeat…
you wrapping your arms around me firmly in a big bear hug…
your soft kisses all over me…
the way your brown eyes twinkle with sanctity when you smile…
your dad’s ‘mouth-watering’ cooking without a doubt…
playing with baby Sarah and teaching her to say "I love you"…
watching you play with baby Sarah [you really are awesome with her!]…
hearing your family share stories about your childhood days…
you teasing me endlessly about anything and everything…
the way you seem to easily charm everyone into adoring you…
everyone telling me what a sweetheart you are…
the shy little boy that emerges unsuspectingly within you…
you goofing around mischievously just to get me to lighten up…
the way you huskily whisper "I love you" in my ear…
Elvis missing Julie…
your stud…
Elvis…
you…

I’m gonna miss my ’selah orang’!

I may not be the girl whom you first loved…and I may not be the girl you made a scrapebook for but I am the girl who will bear witness to your life’s precious moments. I will be the girl who will be the mother of your adorable children. I will be the girl whom you will grow old with and I will be the girl whom you say "I do" to…

…because "I do".

When you slipped the ring on my finger, I saw the lustrous glow of the candles, smelt the white lilies and heard you whispered "I love you"- all at once. It was such a quixotic moment- one that I shall remember as long as fate allows me to.

Thank you…

Thank you for allowing me into your life…and into your heart.
Thank you for showing me what it feels like to genuinely love and to be loved in return.
Thank you for sharing with me your days- the good ones, the bad and all the rest in between.
Thank you for accepting me on my good days, my bad and all the rest in between.
Thank you for teaching me about life’s lessons- I always learn something new from you each day.
Thank you for believing in me…and giving me the fortitude to believe in myself.
Thank you for being a trustworthy companion first and foremost…and my significant other secondly.
Thank you for being my Prince Wales!

And I thank Him everyday for you…for giving me the opportunity to dislike you when we first met at Mark’s wedding in 2003, the opportunity to rectify my previous decision and prove me dead wrong when you entered our circle of friends, the opportunity to be ‘part of you’ that unexpected night in 2004, the opportunity to heal your wounds and rescue you from the snares of loneliness, the opportunity to deepened the friendship we had cultivated whilst celebrating my 23rd at Bintan, the opportunity to then save me from the depths of my own despair, the opportunity of one too many shots downed followed by the opportunity of an intense soul-baring session on 11.12.05, the opportunity of being true to myself and following my heart on the eve of Christmas last year , the opportunity of being asked to spend the rest of my life with you on your 25th birthday this year…and the opportunity to be able see that breathtaking opportunity through come our special day next…

Can’t hardly wait… …

Well, you can slap me in the face. You can scream profanity at my ears. You can try and use my weaknesses against me to trash my image. You can publicise your hatred about me for all the world to read. You can tie to the bed and try and stone me half to death. You can shoot me in the leg just to try to make me beg and you can leave me there for days. You can stick me in a hole and you can pray all day for rain to drown me. You can dig me up a grave and try and bury me in the ground. You can leave me there to die alone but you can never keep me down because…I’ll be singing "Amen! I’m alive!"

You won’t kill me but from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I thank you for making me stronger and for showing me what it feels like to be the last one standing. If everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied and if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, I trust we’d have the day when nobody died. The place I am at now is the place I’ve dreamt of for a long time since I was a child and it’s sad to know you cannot comprehend it enough to share it with me.

If I could relieve those days, I know the one thing that would never change. Those times in my life will live with me forever but we’re not the same people now that we were before. I am ready to close this chapter of my life and relish in the beginning of many new chapters to come. I’ll take only the good memories with me, leave the rotten ones behind because that’s how I would like to remember you and be remembered by. Like a stone in a stream, life will smoothe all our edges ’til we barely make a ripple.

Is it getting better or do you feel the same?
Will I make it easier on you now that you got someone to blame?
Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had Love and you want me to go without.
Well, it’s too late tonight to drag the past out into the light.
Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head?
Did I ask too much…more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now He’s all I’ve got.
I can’t be holding on to what you got when all you got is…hurt for me.

I got to do what I should…

It really is funny how from simple things, the best things begin…

It all started over coffee…and that question you asked me. That particular question that kept resurfacing in my mind everytime we met. Somehow, I sorta guessed it all along but I didn’t dare to be presumptuous. I was afraid. What if I was wrong? What if it was someone else? I couldn’t take the hints any longer and one night when we were out and after one too many ‘blowjobs’ (F.Y.I., that’s the drink, NOT the ‘act’…you Pverts!), I decided to confront you…that fateful night that you bared your heart and soul to me.

I was stupefied. I mean, you think you know everything but you really don’t. You thought nothing could ever happened given the circumstances and so did I…for a bit. I couldn’t pretend that we could still be friends because it seemed that we have advanced into a whole new terrain- one that is fulfilling and yet, risky. I told you I needed time to think and if it’s all meant to be, it will be…cliched but true. I knew if you can’t walk the talk, don’t talk the walk…so on 24th dec ‘05, I decided to ‘walk the talk’…with you and I have not looked back since.

Everything you are…is everything to me. Babe, you found me when no one else was looking. How did you know just where I would be? You broke through all of my turmoil, my ups and downs and you still didn’t leave. I never thought that Love could feel like this. You changed my world with just one revelation. You are the lingering scent on my skin, the smile in my eyes, the kiss on my lips. I have never been kissed, never been touched, never been held so dearly the way I have when I’m with you. I have never truly felt Love till you came into my life…and into my heart. I guess you saw what nobody could see…the good and the bad…and all the things in between when you found me. I have been genuinely blessed with a loving family, supportive friends and…you, my prince. I have got all I’ve waited for and truly, a princess could not ask for more.

Love is…kisses with you on the beanbag chair.
Love is…waking up to see your face in the morning light.
Love is…holding me in your arms after we made passionate love.
Love is…whispering "I love you" when you awake.
Love is…the way your lips seem to curve when you say my name.
Love is…drying my tears when I cry.
Love is…the only thing that keeps me sane.
Love is…a rainbow on a rainy morning.
Love is…saying "sorry" when you have hurt your loved one.
Love is…forgiving the misgivings of your loved one.
Love is…the simple pleasures we share with each other.
Love is…knowing I’ll stand by you come what may.
Love is…the good friend I’ve fallen hard for.
Love is…the wonderful other half he has turned out to be.
Love is…you, my Prince Wales.